To Be Who I Was Always Meant To Be
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: Angel and Collins want to get married. It is illegal to do so in New York so Angel decides to get a sex change operation but he worries that will not be able to love him once he is a female. How will Collins deal with the change? Will this be the end for Collins and Angel or will their love endure? Warning: First several chapters VERY short
1. The First Announcement

Disclaimer: I don't own Rent.

* * *

"Everyone," Angel said, "Tom and I have an announcement to make. We're getting married."

"ANGEL THAT'S GREAT," Mimi exclaimed.

"Congratulations," Roger said.

"Girl I am so happy for you," Mark told her.

"Where are you going to get married and when is the date," Joanne asked.

"Here," Angel said, "In central park a year from today"


	2. Problem And Unconventional Solution

Joanne was the first to talk.

"There's a problem," she said, "You cannot have same sex marriages in New York. It's illegal.

"It's not going to be a same sex marriage," Angel said

"I'm confused," Joanne said.

"Angel and I talked about it," Collins explained, "We decided that Angel would get a sex Change operation."


	3. Alexi's Reaction

Note: In this story Alexi is a friend of theirs

* * *

I don't believe it. Angel is actually going to get a sex change operation. That's probably the craziest thing I have ever heard. It's impractical. What if she and Collins break up? She can't go back to being a guy. Frankly I think that she's making a HUGE mistake doing this!


	4. Alison's Reaction

I think it's really cool. Angel knows what she wants. She knows how to get what she wants. She's never been happy being a guy. She's always been more woman then man. I think it's wonderful what she's doing. I totally support her.


	5. Angel's Reaction

I have to admit it and I would never let anyone else know this. I am terrified. This is something I always wanted but what am I giving up? Will Collins be able to love me after I do this? He's a homosexual. I'm male right now. How will he be able to love me after this is done?

I have dreamed of this day for years. My twin sister is 45 minutes older then me and she used to let me play dress up with her clothes. I loved doing it. One day my babysitter caught me. She yelled at me for an hour telling me how I was going to go to hell because I'm a freak and my parents came in, in the middle of it. They promptly fired the babysitter and both told me that if I were going to be rejected for being who I was it isn't worth it to be accepted anyway.

According to everyone who loves me there is nothing wrong with me.. I'm kind. I'm compassionate. I'm loving. I'm respectful. I'm understand. I'm terrified that Collins will no longer love me after I am a woman.


	6. April's Reaction

To Anonymous: First of all thank you for the feedback. Secondly it is ALTERNATE UNIVERSE and you really should read the story more closely. Angel is having a sex change operation to **become a woman **and thirdly I never mentioned last names. Forth I would appreciate it if you didn't refer to my story as garbage and fifth Alison never knew it was Angel that killed her dog. Finally after I get through the reactions the chapters will get longer

Please note in this story April is not dead. She's also got a grudge against Angel. You'll find out why later

Wow! I don't even know what to say to this one. I mean Angel has done some crazy things in her life... his life... soon to be her life, but this has got to be the stupidest thing he ever did. Angel is a male. He may dress like a woman but that doesn't make him a woman. I was a horse for Halloween last year but that doesn't mean that I started galloping. What a freak!


	7. Benny's Reaction

I love Alison. At first our courtship was really more of a good business deal then anything else. I didn't really see the point of relationships. They don't pay the bills after all. But to be honest with you I would be very uncomfortable if Alison ever decided to get a sex change operation. I love Angel but I'm glad she doesn't live in my building. I would have no choice but to throw her out.


	8. Joanne's Point of View

There are a lot of practical reasons why Angel should do this. Collins and Angel cannot legally get married if both of them are male. Frankly I think Collins would make one hell of an ugly girl. Angel has always been the woman in their relationship. But I just hope she knows what she's getting into. Collins may no longer like her that way anymore.


	9. Mark's Reaction

When dealing with situations I take the time to analyze the pros and cons. I sit down with a pen and paper and make a list of all the details. I decided the details very carefully. I make sure everything is done correctly so it takes me half an hour to do something that should take 20 seconds. Half the time I end up not doing it anyway. If I were Angel I could never do something as brave as she's doing. She's my hero.


	10. Maureen's Reaction

Angel as a girl... hm... that really turns me on. Even as a guy she's so cute. Her hair is amazing. The way she jiggles her ass makes me want to cheat on Joanne with Angel. She's so fun when it comes to fashion. Angel literally made a dress from an old tablecloth and the next year they were mass producing it at the gap. I cannot wait to see Angel as a female member of the world.


	11. Mimi's Reaction

Angel is one of my very best friends. I love her like she's my sister. We're the same size so we can share clothes and hats. Angel **always **knows how to cheer me up when I'm feeling down. There have been times that I felt like everything was completely helpless or I was in tears and after talking to Angel I felt 100 percent better. Angel used to always say that men are like dogs. Train them right and they are loyal to the end..


	12. Roger's Reaction

One thing I can say about Angel is that she is definitely more in control then me. Angel never gets mad. I probably get mad at least once a day. But I'll be honest I never saw her as a woman. She's a drag queen. That's part of her charm. It's gonna be weird.


	13. Collins Point of View

When Angel first told me she was thinking about getting a sex change operation I was stunned. She asked me if I would love her even if she were a woman. I thought that would be an impossible question to answer but the truth is it's not even a question. I love Angel for her. It doesn't matter to me what is down there. She is my Angel and for Angel I will be about to do the impossible. For Angel I will learn to love a woman.


	14. The Proposal

_((Six weeks ago))_

_"Angel," Collins said in a fairly serious tone, "I need to speak with you for a minute."_

_Angel just nodded as the class filed out. Angel had recently gone back to school and ironically ended up in Collins class for one of his subjects. Angel felt a twinge of nerve bubble up in his stomach. Was he in trouble? Sometimes that could be fun if it's just pretend but not in a situation where things were serious._

_"Did I do something wrong," Angel asked._

"Of course not," Collins said, "I just want to talk to you about something. Look Angel we've been living together for several months now."

"ARE YOU ASKING ME TO MOVE OUT," Angel yelled frantically.  
Collins put one had on Angel's shoulder to calm him.

"No," he said, "I'm asking you to marry me."  
Angel's eyes got as wide as saucers.

"You're proposing," he asked tears of joy filling his eyes.

_"Wait," Collins said, "I want to do this right."  
He went over to the door, locked it, took a yardstick and used it to block off the door so even if someone got it unlocked they couldn't get in._

"Now THAT," he said, "Is a good use for a yardstick."  
Angel laughed. They had talked about this kind of stuff before. Collins used to be tough at times but Angel turned him into a huge softie. He would do anything for Angel- being positive was the simplest of tasks.

_Collins got down on one knee. He took Angel's hand._

"Angel Dumott Schunard I am asking you today to do me the biggest favor in the world. Will you marry me?"  
Angel didn't answer but squealed and threw herself into her soon to be husband's arms. Her life seemed so perfect right now. Everything seemed right. She had Collins and she had her friends and she was going back to school and things were working out perfectly.

_"Listen," Collins said, "Nobody at the school can know about us right now. It is unethical for an educator to be heavily involved with a student and even though we were together before this the disciplinary committee wouldn't see it that way."_

"Oh," Angel said, "Alright."

"I'll be transferring to NYU at the end of the year," Collins said, "So then we can officially announce our engagement."

"I look forward to that," Angel said.

_Angel's watch beeped. It was time for her AZT break. Collins kissed her and then motioned for her to leave as it was time for her to start heading to her next class. Neither of them were able to focus that day. Angel was really lost in thought imagining her wedding and Collins was thinking about how blessed he was to have Angel. Angel was the one that changed his life. Angel was the reason he was who he was today._

_It was Angel who opened his eyes. It was Angel who made him relax and stop being so uptight. It was Angel who took the two of them and made them one. He may have been the man of the relationship but Angel was the heart. Being with her was the only thing that made him feel like he had any worth. Angel was the reason he faced the challenges his life brought with gladness and joy. She was the best of the best in his eyes and he was so blessed to have her._


	15. We Both Know Who Wears The Dress Here

It seems like my childhood was worlds away. When I was young everything was perfect. I knew who I was. It was very black or white. It was clear cut. There was no room for the middle ground. What was right was right and what was wrong was wrong. I loved making things good for people but I had a very dim view. There was the straight and narrow. There was the right and there was wrong. Then my world changed.

I met Tom. He was funny. He was sweet. He was loving. I had been with other guys before. But Tom was different. He made me feel like I was right not wrong. He made me feel like I was beautiful. Tom was my first friend when I moved to NYC. He knew me for me. He didn't know me as the perfect Angel everyone else saw but he saw my flaws as well and he loved me despite them or possibly because of them.

Tom saw my emotional side. He saw my meltdowns. He saw my fits and he knew not to argue with me when I was in my moods. He knew what was important to me and he knew to be understanding when I got into those moods. He knew not to say "what do you want" when I was in that kind of mood because I wouldn't be able to articulate it. Tom and I both wanted kids. Since we were both males we knew we would have to either adopt or use a surrogate.

That's part of the reason I'm glad I decided to get a sex change operation. With Tom I don't feel like an oddball out. I don't feel like I don't fit in. I don't feel like I'm different. I never felt comfortable being the odd one out. I hated it. It made me feel disconnected. I know really it's not such an issue but still when I'm with Tom I feel like I can be myself. It's a relief. I hadn't really thought about a sex change operation until about two months ago.

It was only after I heard the news that same sex marriage were illegal in NYC that the idea came to me. I was always more of a woman then a man. I just had to do something about it. I would just get a sex change operation. It was the only way to make the marriage legal. It wouldn't be fair for Collins to have to change his sex. I'm just the best choice for it. When I brought it up with Tom his reaction amazed me.

_"Tom," I remember asking, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"_

"Sure," Tom said putting an arm around me, "What's on your mind?"

"Would you love me no matter what," I asked.

"NOTHING could change my love for you," he told me firmly, "I don't care if you cheat-"

"I WOULD NEVER DO THAT," I exclaimed.

"I know Angel," he said, "It was just an example.

"But I want our marriage to be legal," I said.

"We can get married in Road Island," he suggested

_I shook my head._

"How would you feel about my getting a sex change operation?"  
His jaw dropped.

"A sex change operation?"  
I nodded.

"W... well it's a bit of a surprise," he said, "But it doesn't change the way I feel about you. I love you male or female. Would it be easier though if I were the one to get a sex change?"  
I laughed.

"Babe," I said, "WE BOTH KNOW I'm the girl in this relationship"  
I am the girl in this relationship but Tom and I are equals.


End file.
